Partner, Work, Friends… All Tea Comes out Wrong and You Feel That You Have. The Autoboicot Exists or Is It a Myth?

You just saw an interesting job posting. You fit. You look at that position. Do you think that your CV would need a small tweak to better show your experience and preparation for this job. Even so, send without retouching. “Let’s see if we are lucky”, you say.

That boy so nice living in the sixth. It is quite handsome. Okay, he is very handsome. It makes Triathlon. Plays in a jazz band. It always makes you laugh when you coincide with him in the elevator. Last night you invited to drink. To you. To which is every seven kilos, has frizzy hair, and suspend the test drivers for the sixth time. You tell him that you can’t. “It is too good for my.” If we leave, sure that I fix them I say something stupid to mess up”, you repeat.

You have just moved to the city. It is much larger than your people. You feel a bit lost. Good thing you have here your childhood friend. Made today assembles a small party at home, you can thus meet your group of people. But… Don’t you want to go. Imagine there, tucked in a corner, with everyone talking about his stuff, from you… You wear pajamas and get into bed. You send a whatsapp: “thank you very much for everything, but I can’t go, he entered me headache, another time”. And you turn off your mobile.

If you didn’t know, this is the autoboicot.

Everyone has done something so at one point or another of his life. However there are people which is a usual pattern of behavior. If everything goes wrong, perhaps your problem is precisely this.

Why we boycott we

The autoboicot is a phenomenon that does not fit into the sound image of the human being, that decides what they want to achieve, then plan their steps to achieve the desired result and then executed, in order of priority, the defined steps. It would be easy, genial and boring if so.

Actually humans are capable of such strange things as discovered in a study conducted in 1978. In it a group of students had to solve a mathematical problem. Told everyone that he had been successful. Before moving on to the second problem, could take, if they wanted to, a substance which affected his cognitive ability. Amazing thing? Many chose to take it. Why? To have a justification if they failed on the second attempt.

The strange things do humans always have a sense, even if at first sight they seem absurd. The autoboicot allows us to avoid an unpleasant or experience stressful in the short term (be not selected for work, feel awkward in an appointment, to find yourself alone in a party) in Exchange for not never get things that we dream (a good job, a couple, friends).

One of the explanations of the autoboicot, which talked about Edward A. Shelby in Psychology Today, is that the negative consequence appears in the long term, while the relief of suffering is instant. So it costs us to relate the negative effect which has led to it.

A note about the causes of the autoboicot comes from Susan David who, in his article published in Harward Business Review, says that self-sabotage usually occurs when we set ourselves objectives influenced by others, for example, when we decided to study a certain race because our family expects it of us. However, when our motivation is intrinsic, when we do what we really like, the failures are less harmful.

How to overcome the autoboicot

In the same article, David recommended look at the symptoms, to start: If you stop strive, if you start to make excuses, if you preach to all kinds of distractions, perhaps you’re sabotaging.

Another way to diagnose the autoboicot, mentioned in the article of Edward A. Shelby, It is to analyze your aspirations for long term and see if your current behavior is consistent with these expectations. If your dream is to have more friends, but you reject all invitations to go out, it is clear that something does not fit.

If you clear that you are sabotaging, Susan David recommended the never-ending list of excuses that you put into your success elements: extracted from it what is under your control and use it to get ready. Not looking for a new job because the interviews don’t you well? Practice. You English is not very good? You are looking for a teacher. Do you think do not deserve to go out with that guy because you are overweight? False, but he used this argument to get fit.

The autoboicot is a symptom

Although eye-catching, the autoboicot is nothing more than a symptom of the real problem: something is wrong in your life.

Maybe you don’t clear your goals and assume those which impose yourself to others. It is not surprising that you give up the first found difficult.

Or maybe that your previous experiences have made you difficult to face a possible failure, even when you want with all your strength goal you’ve.

As any symptom, the autoboicot has one positive aspect: is an alarm signal. Take it as a gift. It is not to be vague, it is not to be useless. Change of objectives, if those who are persecuting are not yours. Look for help if you feel unable to face another failure, however small it is. Do something and do it now. We are not here to spend our lives in pajamas.

Photo: Unsplash

Leave a Reply