A couple of weeks ago we published an article on the trend of couples to discuss as soon as they put a foot in Ikea. In it, we read the conclusions of Suky Macpherson, psychologist associated in the British Psychological Society who exercises his profession in the British National Health Service and in your private practice in London. Given the interest that has awakened the article, we decided to interview her and… we’ve got some clues on how to avoid buying furniture make a marital hell.
The first study on discussions at Ikea conducted by Dr Macpherson was published in Vice, so our first question was if they were the authors of that article who him raised the hare on the discussions at Ikea or She already had earlier noted that the Swedish shop was a hot spot in relationship issues.
“He had observed discussions at Ikea for many years until Vice mentioned it to me. In my own private life, I had come to realize that How to assemble furniture themselves provoked discussions of couple. I was wondering if some buyers were already concerned about the next step, the Assembly, and if the stress began to manifest in the shop».
Do you think that Ikea is only a stage, the place where get out the underlying problems in the couple, but of which the cause has little to do with the purchase itself?
“I think that any stressful shopping session may cause arguments in a couple, but, obviously, If your relationship is having a bad time, it’s easier to make it happen. At the beginning of a relationship, yet you may want to impress your partner, so it is less likely to discuss. Similarly, when you take twenty years of marriage, normally you’ve already found ways of dealing with the shopping together or avoid them».
What believed to be major relationship issues that come to light in these discussions: lack of communication, different interests, issues of control…?
If you are afraid of your partner to leave you, you let your desires to dominate you. If you think that the other is lucky to have you, you’ll think that only your ideas matter.
“Many factors influence stress that some people suffer during the shopping and, although Ikea is not the only store that takes place, that it has much offer, implying many decisions and choices. In addition, tend to have many people in it, which increases stress. Humans are animals, and constantly analyze our surroundings to feel secure. People, heat, light, lots of color, noise, elections… This can cause a discharge of adrenaline, which increases the susceptibility, What often leads to discussions».
If you hate tea cups that you will have to live, speak with honesty and outisde a compromise; do not feel marginalized by accept something you hate.
«In fact, discussions can be about anything, but» normally come into play issues of power and control. Will the taste of which of the two be prevalent in the House? There is enough space to buy unnecessary things or one of the two prefer minimalism? Is there a prior perspective that buy things for the House is a fun shared experience? The secret of a good relationship is the acceptance and commitment, and these behaviors are put to the test when products are purchased for the home».
How can we prepare a trip to Ikea if we do not want that it ends in a big discussion?
1 do a shopping list together, agreed well in advance.
2. in the entry, see where is what you want to buy and go direct there. Not vaguéis by the store without a purpose, because you might feel frustrated if you just lose you what really you wanted.
3. Eat before you go. Hunger can make things worse and an adequate amount of blood sugar helps prevent stress.
4. always carry a bottle of water and keep you hydrated.
5. Decide the budget in advance, making it clear how much you can spend each spontaneous purchases, decided on the fly.
6. Talk about possible discussions before leaving home. If one really has no interest in going, decide if it is better to stay, it will (but taking it with good attitude) or if you can do some shopping online. And the person who want to go, can always go with an another interested friend.